The last 48 hours have been some of the most emotional hours of my life.
Neuroanatomy has been the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to deal with. The material is whatever… challenging, but fair. The battle was with myself. After full on panic attacks during the first two exams, my grade, my summer and my sanity were on the line.
Yesterday was the neuro final. I knew what I needed to make to pass, and left feeling like I’d been defeated. I don’t do defeat well…
So, we went out for a post-neuro beer. I was keeping composure… barely. Until the waitress told me that my license had expired… last November. Can we say tipping point? Instead of making an ass of myself, I went and hid in my car for a little while. Called my mom so I could sob to someone. Got talked down off the ledge by this girl, who is all too familiar with the ledge.
Regained composure. Got a new license with an epically bad post-neuro photo. Dinner with friends. All the while trying not to fall into a sobbing mess.
And then there was a fight. A big one. An argument over something completely insignificant. An argument that took the horrible girl that this semester has created and put her on display, highlighted her flaws. And then more crying. And then semi-comatose watching of silly things on netflix.
Restless night. Stupid morning. Half-asleep cleaning the kitchen. Dazed driving to pick up our co-op share. Pep talk from my momma. It will be ok. No matter what happens, you will be just fine… stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Home, pretend to study… keep hitting refresh on my browser. Lecture grades posted. Limbo. How long can they possibly drag this out? Lab grades posted. Uncontrollable sobbing.