Procrastination is my vice. It rules my life. I depend on it wholly.
I live to put things off. The rush I feel when a deadline approaches keeps me going. And it’s not simply that I work better under pressure. Oh. No. My work is always better when I give myself time to plan, execute and revise. No question. But I keep moving forward, only slightly encouraged by the joy I feel when I complete a task with time to spare.
Now, this procrastination appreciation isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I am constantly frustrated by inability to put my nose to the grindstone before it hits me in the face. At night, I wake up in a panic about the things I need to accomplish. Procrastination is like a bad friend I just can’t quit.
I want to be better. I took the MCAT in April – months before I needed to. I applied for AmeriCorps well before the deadline. I filled in all of the information on my med school application back in May. As I realize the impact my procrastination has on my life, it becomes slightly easier to respect time management.
At this very moment, I am not editing my personal statement for my AACOM application. The essay is written. A fabulous English professor edited the essay for me. All I have to do is clarify a few passages and shorten it a bit. I’ve had the edited copy since May 22. I just can’t bring myself to finish. Such a simple task, but it’s so daunting. I have to delve so far into myself to put the words on the page. The personal statement is such an important part of my application.
And there you have it. I have built this essay into such a monument that I can’t finish. I have written everything, but I can’t find the motivation within myself to put the finishing touches on it. I need to. I need to find the motivation. As soon as I finish, I will feel so much better. I will be able to sleep at night… but then what will I do next?